I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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