I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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