If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize