I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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