he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
