neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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