She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
