member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize