I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
