i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
