We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
