Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
