Did you just see the Batmobile???
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
