"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize