just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
