the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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