Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
