Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
