if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
