How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
