You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
