booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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