It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
