All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
