I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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