If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
