from now on my penis is your penis
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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