I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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