And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
