So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
