I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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