hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
