SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
