McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
