Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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