i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize