I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I met the friendliest cop last night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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