all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
