also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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