his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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