Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
