I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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