I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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