I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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