Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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