I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
