We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
