Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
