i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
