her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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