Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
