What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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