I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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