i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize