he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
