There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
