I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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