i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
