I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize