separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
