someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
