I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
