this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
