i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
