dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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