I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
