You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
