omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
