He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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