Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize