While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
