Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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