Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
