yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
