I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
