Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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