Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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