take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
