I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
