i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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