His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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