I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize