Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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