my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i will never coherently bang her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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