I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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