i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
