You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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