If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
