think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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