I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
