The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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