Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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