dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
