2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
